The United Nations
November 9, 2024
This is an old photo I took. It is not from today. I had so many questions when I took this photo. This is the United Nations in New York. Just looking at this building has always drudged up a mirkwood of feelings; responses to the way we organize and identify ourselves. Our fabricated world of nations and governments, our human requirement for leadership, our need to follow, the gravitation that pulls us to worship, the hierarchies we design, the corruptions we manufacturer. The way we breathe it all in and hold it all up and slather ourselves in it. Beligerant over our brands of righteousness as the discourse barely covers the smell of rot, yelling at the screen, trolling the wind. Build a bunker. Cancel everyone. Then you’ll be right. Then you’ll be safe. You’ll survive any bipartisan, fossil fueled, PFAS apocalypse.
I have more questions now. And they make me want to run. Run somewhere so far I don’t even know its name, its color, if it’s up or down, if it’s real. And it makes me furious - the wanting to run. So I sit. I sit here, looking at old photos, wondering how to just feel better. But isn’t it useless? Trying to feel better. What comforts are illusions? What fears? What can I do? Can I give anything good? My life. Is this living? At least I always pay my taxes, right? That always makes me feel better. What a relief, right? I went to the doctor for a checkup. They said I’m fine so I’m fine, right? I paid my taxes. I went to the doctor. I’m okay, right?
And then a doctor posted the CT scan. There’s the bullet. I realize I’ve never seen a CT scan of a child’s head before. I paid my taxes. I’m fine, right? The sniper fired. 8-years-old. In the back of her head. And I paid my taxes.
This is an old photo I took.
It is not from today.
In silence, alone, after circling, circling, circling, I can only ever land on one very certain thing.
Love. Walk towards love. Just keep moving towards love.